“Self-love often starts with self-forgiveness”
Hello loves, hope you are all doing great. For this week’s blogpost, I will be talking about the first topic I’ll be working on thru my self-love journey: SELF-FORGIVENESS.
We often hear about the importance of forgiving people who once harmed us, but what about forgiving ourselves? Not so often. It is important? I so believe it is.
When we hurt or harm someone, it is a normal and healthy reaction to feel bad, to experience regrets, to feel the need to apologize or to do something to make the person feel better. Here I’m going to talk about the importance of doing the same things for yourself, about the importance of making yourself feel better.
I’ve recently been thinking about the steps I need to take towards my self-love journey and here are some questions I frequently asked myself:
– How can I give myself more love ? (obviously)
– How can I take back the power ? (drop the victim mentality and take ownership of my life → stop feeling sorry for myself)
– How can I improve my self-compassion ? (Instead of being my toughest critic, start being my own best friend)
All these questions led me to a same focus point: I have to forgive myself first.
WHY DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE MYSELF FIRST ?
Imagine if you were constantly accused, emotionally abused, criticized etc. in a relationship, how would you feel ? Imagine if the “abuser” was constantly reminding you of your past mistakes and weaknesses. How would you feel? I think that any logical person would answer that this is an unhealthy relationship. So imagine now if this same relationship was the relationship you have with yourself… how would you feel?
There is a big struggle to embrace yourself when rejecting it at the same time. Without forgiving things that happened in the past, we reject our own selves by holding emotional grudges that will eventually paralyze us and keep us away from achieving our goals, dreams and ambitions or simply put: enjoying life.
HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF ?
First of all, we have to accept some of the mistakes we once made and identify them. Then, we should see these mistakes as problems to overcome so we can picture them as opportunities to learn and grow. This is the approach I took to identify what I should forgive myself for and here’s my answer: I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT KNOWING BETTER AT THE TIME.
This sums up some of my regrets, some of the choices that I feel guilty for.
I feel guilty that I often allowed my emotions to shape my decisions and to make me miss a lot of possibilities both in my personal and professional life. Being overwhelmed by emotions can be explained by, in my case, non healed wounds and emotional grudges that made me even more insecure, sensitive and sometimes paralyzed in front of some critical choices I needed to make.
This outlook I started having on things and this exact approach I adopted towards my emotions made me grow. I am now learning from my mistakes. I am now learning to forgive myself. I am now seeing those mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow.
WHAT’S NEXT ?
Once we remove the weight of un-forgiveness, we experience freedom. Freedom gives us permission to love ourselves, to embrace and accept who we truly are.
The inspiration to write this article was given to me by the talented and inspiring Rana Alamuddin. From her “Self-forgiveness” movement that she started early this week. From her instagram page “Bayneh W Baynek” she invited her followers to sit and think about what they need to forgive themselves for. As she so well phrased it: freedom, clarity, joy, authenticity, a sense of inner power… Those can’t fully happen without self-forgiveness. So thank you Rana for making me think deeper about all the things that I feel guilty for, it really allowed me to rebound and grow stronger.
I HAVE NOW FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT KNOWING BETTER AT THE TIME